Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Moving

Bryan's Cafe is moving to a new host at Wordpress. New branding, haha!! Click here to go to my new site.

Monday, June 25, 2007

Why aren't you promoted?

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This is my last post on Blogger as Bryan's Cafe has moved to a new host at Wordpress. New branding, haha!! Click here to go to my new site.

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One of the fine blogs I like to read is Kathiroly Raj's Wise Life Advice. Maybe it has something to do with my past life I dunno but I can relate to the articles he writes. :-)

His latest entry is about why people don't get promoted. Although I'm not employed in the traditional sense of the word, I do have some opportunities to peek into that world. Since this is gonna be a bit long to write it in Kathi's comments section, I guess I'll just do it here.

Going by what I see, the scenario Kathi paints is a common one. You're the quiet type who work your butt off. You come in early and stay late every day, maybe even skipping lunches to meet deadlines. Your boss has no complaints about you and habitually pats you on the back for a job well done. But that's where it ends. You get passed over for promotion every time by someone who talks more and delivers less. Feeling frustrated and betrayed, you think of resigning.

If you're in this situation, I think you're victim to one of the greatest fallacies of the workplace, one that many companies want you to believe, and that is the more hardworking you are, the more you deserve a promotion.

Actually getting more things done only means one thing - that you can get more things done. It doesn't necessarily mean you are promoteable material. And if your boss isn't interested to tell you what it takes to get promoted, its because either they themselves are blur sotong or in all honesty they don't see much value in you.

I notice that people who believe in this work harder-get more reward myth tend to be either of low rank or are technical oriented people who are trained to relate to things mathematically. You know, that 1+1 must always be =2. Well if its as simple as that, employers don't need humans. They just need computers and robots. They're cheaper and they whine less summore.

Secondly, when this conflict of expectation happens and the first thing that comes to mind is to resign, then its just further proof that you are not promoteable in the first place. It demonstrates (a) an incapability to comprehend that business is more than just about the thing that you're paid to do, and (b) the inability to take the bull by the horns and solve a problem. Business after all is about solving problems isn't it.

I also noticed that people who get promoted tend to be loudmouths, jerks and rule breakers, seldom the quiet, compliant and "gwai gwai" types. By their very character, the former are often people who like to push the normal boundaries of the business to see where it goes. Testing fences is risky behaviour yes but someone has to do it and prove the old formulas aren't working very well any more. If I'm the business owner, I rather have an insider prove I'm wrong than have my customer or worse, my competitor tell me.

Compare that to compliant people who sit quietly behind their fences, minding their own business and doing as their told, believing that the more pages they type the higher they can go up the laddder. I've often wondered why such people never enquire why nobody has ever been promoted to CEO after a 20 year typing job.

For me, whether a person is the reserved or noisy type, promotable people have one special characteristic. They can see work as a means to an end rather than an end in itself. They demonstrate it by going beyond their roles, even if it means just talking over lunch, to show that with a bit of imagination, you can achieve the same result quicker or cheaper, or you have a better idea that renders that piece of work redundant. They do this consistently, even if it sounds like they're just whining and complaining.

Consciously or not, over time the message they send is that they've outgrown the little job titles on their business cards. The boss's antenna is a lot more sensitive to this attitude versus talent thingy than any statistic showing you've churned out 10% more work this month than last month. Talent as you know is easily bought or rented.

In the end, I think promotability comes from a state of mind rather than a dry historical record of physical achievements. Are you delivering the work you're told to do? Well and good, it guarantees you get to keep your job. But to climb the ladder, you need the guts and the imagination to push some boundaries for some tangible breakthroughs. If you do it smart you may get thrown upstairs instead of out.

Not all bosses will appreciate this though. If your boss was himself promoted to his position through the Peter Principle or he's clearly a buffoon, then I say you're better off bailing and looking elsewhere for a job.


p/s Thanks Kathi for inspiring me to write this post :-)

Sunday, June 24, 2007

5 golden rules for employees

I have a lot of respect for people who are in 9-5 jobs. They are indeed special people who abide by these employee values.

1. Compliant. This means accepting that the boss is always right even though you're laughing your head off about your bumbling boss during lunch. By extension it also means doing things you'd rather not do. You know, little things like showing up to work on time and sticking to dress code.

2. Charitable. This means selling your talents for a lot less than what you're convinced they're worth. For example when you find management pooh-poohing your big idea when you know that on the outside, the same idea can generate you a million bucks easy.

3. Patient. This means ignoring it when your colleagues are trying to subvert your successes by finding fault in everything you do and cc-ing your 'misdeeds' by e-mail to the entire company. It also means waiting for year-end promotions that never come.

4. Benevolent. This means having two or three person's jobs sneakily dumped into your lap for no increase in pay. Its like charity except here they tie you up to an enlarged job scope contractually.

5. Motivator. This means boot-licker or apple-polisher. Going out of your way to make your boss feel good (even if you actually despise him) and motivated to be generous to you during appraisal time. You understand that telling him he's wrong would flatten his ego faster than a nail in a tire.

But what if you're not the type who's compliant, charitable, patient, benevolent and a natural motivator? Well you have two choices: learn them up quickly or get out and set up on your own. You know what they say about leading, following or getting out of the way right?

But if you do set up your own thing and start hiring people as you expand, remember these 5 golden rules for employees. Marvel on the fact that not only are you on the other side now but on how you suddenly feel these rules are utterly justified. Hee hee.

Friday, June 22, 2007

Being Happy vs. Being Right, Which is more important to you?

You do know that these two aren't exactly synonymous don't you.

Anyway, I was at the airport the other day sending off my sis to Sydney when I witnessed a tense argument between a couple. It seems they had missed their check-in time by 10 minutes and the guy was ticking off his gf/wife for taking her time to pack, causing them to leave their house late. The girl retorted that they were late because the guy called the taxi late. They weren't throwing things at each other or anything but they were clearly pissed off at each other.

I'm sure there've been times when you were utterly convinced you're right but it did nothing to improve a tense situation. So what do you do, harp on the fact that you were right regardless or zip up for the sake of maintaining peace?

Some of my friends would say if you're right, you're right and you should never step back and lose face, even if it cost you your relationship. Some would say its not worth a fight, just relax and let your partner be victorious. Focus on the long term, he or she will discover the truth some day.

I dunno. Does being right actually have any value in a relationship? Would stepping back mean you're a chicken or a hero?

What would you do?

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Is high IQ necessary for success?

Not in my books. There are far too many MBAs and PhDs from Ivy league unis out there who flunk badly in the real world. I mean failed businesses, trashed friendships, divorces and shit like that.

What I do know is that high IQ people tend to be unhappier than not-so-smart people. Whenever there's a problem, a not-so-smart guy sees one solution but a smart one will see five or six. The smart mind likes to spend all its energy pondering all the possible permutations and scenarios long after the not-so-smart guy has taken off and finished the challenge.

I've seen companies that are led by very "bright" CEOs who probably qualify to be Mensa members but cannot increase corporate earnings to save their lives. They suffer from too many meetings, analysis paralysis and basically a fear of making the wrong choice in a sea of too much data. (Haha, reminds me of my pal who's working in the CRM line).

So what is necessary for business success? Well, get a clue and look at our Asian millionaires. Ask yourselves how many of them might even understand the meaning of regression analysis and complex marketing theory.

My answer is simple. Two things - experience and foresight. Nothing beats having "eaten salt" and having a solid gut instinct. After all, the backbone of all business - risk - is an emotional number.

What about IQ? I think its somewhere around number 5, after capital and location.

I'm not saying that a good brain is useless. Far from it. Intelligence is just a tool and you can use it to solve problems that require the tool, for example a design problem. But try to use it to cool down an angry customer/lover and you might get beaten on the head with a handbag.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

What type of friend are you?

Do you fall into any of these categories? Be honest now.

1. The Promise Breaker. You make promises to go for mamak or a movie and 9 times out of 10 never show up.

2. The Double Crosser. You have a habit of saying nasty things about your friend to other people until they stop talking to your friend. I think this one is for ladies only.

3. The Self Absorbed. You can't stop talking about yourself. You view your friends as a sounding board and find no worthwhile reason to listen to them except to impatiently wait until they stop talking so you can start talking about you.

4. The Discloser. The "this is just between us" promise lasts only until you reach the phone or email. I think this is another one for ladies only.

5. The Competitor. You like to show off your abilities, toys and bling-blings because you think they'll put you ahead of your friend in the race. A win-lose friendship that afflicts many men.

6. The Fault Finder. You find fault in everything your friend says and does.

7. The Ego Tripper. You want your friends to agree with everything you say and shut out those who don't and you want them to rally you to popularity.

The first 6 are from Dr Jan Yager's 6 Types of Toxic Friends and How You Can Deal with Them. The 7th is mine.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Father's Day: Why so pathetic

That was my response when I when to PPS & Sarawho expecting to see bundles of Fathers Day blog dedications but only found a handful. So pathetic compared to the oodles of well-wishers on Mother's Day.

So what does this mean? That most bloggers don't bother about Father's Day? I dunno but as someone who will be a father (hopefully) some day, it sort of got me thinking.

Unlike in my other home (the US) I notice father figures aren't very popular here. My friends would have a lot to say about their moms but almost nothing about their dads. In fact they don't seem to know much other than what time their dads come home and their annoying habits.

I confess that coming from a culture where most dads would take time to rail for their kids from the days of little league baseball to their first day in college, I find this a little strange.

I can think of a couple of reasons why this is happening. Firstly, probably due to work pressure, most fathers here tend to be a crabby lot. They don't interact much with their kids after a certain age and the bond is never strengthened. Whereas mothers tend to 'mother' their kids all the way to adulthood.

Digi has this great ad about a father sending off his young daughter to the big city seemingly devoid of any bonding. It underscores exactly what I mean.

Secondly, it could also mean that Father's Day is a western celebration that's alien to Asians. But if folks here can make a big deal of Mother's Day then why not Father's Day?

Whatever, I empathize with dads who didn't get that phone call from their sons and daughters on this day. They are no less important than mothers if you ask me.

What did I do on Father's Day? Well, firstly I drove over bright and early and fixed both mom and dad breakfast. I didn't burn the ham and scrambled eggs this time and they actually finished it! We spent the morning talking about his passion - the Business. We joined Uncle Shawn and family for lunch and after that they went off for golf.

I gave him no presents. I don't think material things are important to him any more. But he lighted up that I would choose to spend quality time with him and I could see he enjoyed our talk. I mean we actually connected. I think it meant a lot more to him than any present I could give.

So for all you would-be fathers out there, no matter how busy you are, please, please don't alienate your kids and outsource everything to mommy. Take time to bond. You'll appreciate the payoff much later in life.

This to me is the most important message of Father's Day.

Friday, June 15, 2007

Browser Review: Safari 3 for Windows

This is the 5th day I've used Safari 3 on my Windows XP machine. To cut to the chase here's my review:

Things I like

1. Sleek gunmetal grey interface

2. Fast. Media-rich pages load noticeably faster than with Firefox and IE. No kidding.

3. The standard fonts have better contrast than FF and IE and are easier to read, especially if you're into text-heavy stuff like blogs.

4. The URL window at the top doubles up as a download progress indicator (window fills up with a blue color as the page completes its download).

5. A dedicated button bookmarks the page you're viewing with a single click.


Things that annoy me

1. No skins other than standard grey.

2. Primitive tab control. No option to auto-open links in a new tab in the same window without right-clicking.

3. The RSS bookmarking sucks. Instead of showing you a list of topics on a site when you mouse over the bookmark, you just get a number in parenthesis against the site name. Example, a (2) means 2 new topics on the site since your last visit. To see more you have to click the bookmark and import the entire RSS content into the browser which can take a while. Not very smart when all you wanna do is quickly scan thru the topics list.

4. Haven't found any status bar that displays the URL of a link that you mouse over. Basically you can't decide beforehand if a site's worth a visit until you actually visit it. Duh...

5. No sign of any plug-in or add-on features meaning you've to live with whatever (in)capabilities that come with the browser.

6. And most annoying of all, you can't turn off the URL autocomplete feature which apparently compiles its URLs directly from your history and imported bookmarks. Its very distracting. The only choice left is to go into private browsing mode (no history) and delete all my bookmarks. Blegh.

Ok maybe I am biased in favor of Firefox with its plethora of free skins and add-ons that give the browser so much power so it doesn't really make for an apple-to-apple comparison (no pun intended) but seriously, if you can get past the inconvenience of the slightly lower speed, FF is waaayy ahead of Safari in functional richness.

I don't really buy the argument that Safari is new therefore deficient. They've had plenty of time to catch up in versions 1 and 2 which didn't happen. If the folks at Apple know that 90% of things done on the internet are done through the browser and more and more people are buying PCs just to get online, this all-important window to the cyberworld won't be this half-baked. I mean other players out there are killing each other to be top dog in the browsers war.

Needless to say I continue to pledge my allegiance to Firefox.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Body or personality is more important: My take

Thanks to the few who graciously responded to my questionnaire on the net and my friends on terra firma, it seems that most girls I asked (more than 60%) seem to prefer guys who are socialites with normal body type. Meaning type a2 according my questionnaire.

That means I lost my bet with my buddy Ken: one dinner on the finding that most girls prefer type d3, i.e. an opinionated SOB, big on attitude, swears a lot with a hot muscular body.

Now how did I come to my erroneous conclusion? By observation. Lets assume

Type a - "Normal" social type, nice guy, friendly to everyone
Type d - Opinionated SOB, big on attitude, swears a lot

If I take a sample of 10 type-a friends and 10 type-d friends, I found that only 6 type-a friends have girlfriends compared to 8 type-d friends who do.

I learned two things from this observation. One is that "character" plays a big role in attracting a mate. It acts like a brand. Since everyone's nice and icky, you want to be different so you act and talk like an SOB because it makes the girls notice. The power to attract and to sustain are different though but that's another story.

The second thing I learnt from observation is that despite all the saying that its the heart that counts, the body shape of a guy is more important to a girl than she's willing to admit. If you doubt this, go to a short or fat guy and ask him when was the last time a girl agreed to go on a date.

Would a girl forsake a guy's body for his heart? From my observation initially no but eventually yes. By initially I mean the first couple of months after pairing up. A mate with a hot bod is a good asset to show off but after a while, the novelty wears off and reality sinks in. And by the way, I think its the same for guys too.

Anyway my little unscientific survey shows the opposite is true i.e. most girls do seem to prefer nice sociable guys with normal not-so-thin not-so-muscular bodies.

And I thought nice guys finished last :-)

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Body or personality, which is more important?

This post is targetted more to girls but guys are welcome to chip in too.

Question 1.
Which type of character do you find most attractive in a person.

a. Social type, nice guy, friendly to everyone

b. Strong silent type

c. Flamboyant type, wants to be seen and appreciated

d. Opinionated SOB, big on attitude, swears a lot

e. Non-conformist, ponytailed, bad dresser

f. Natural born leader, a talker


Question 2. What body type do you find most attractive.

1. Skinny

2. Normal

3. Well defined muscles

4. A little chubby

5. Doesn't matter

Final question. If you could choose only one - body or personality - in a potential partner what would it be?

I'll tell you why I'm looking for this feedback later. :-)

Sunday, June 10, 2007

A joker a day

This week starts of with a rant. But that's what I've been doing in the last couple of posts haven't I. Anyway who cares.

My jokers for the week (one for each day):

1. People who speak extra loudly in a closed public place like a restaurant not caring if the whole world hears them.

2. People who arrogantly talk down to others thinking they have THE answer to riches, not realizing the person they're talking down to has already made his millions while they themselves are struggling to pay the rent. Nincompoops.

3. Similar to #2, people who rubbish others and talk righteously about the secret of happiness when their own households are in a state of disaster. Jackasses.

4. People who complain, complain and complain (and look who's talking :-))

5. People who don't know how to park properly.

6. Women who say ladies first when it benefits them and men first when it doesn't benefit them

7. People who borrow things and never return them.

I got a feeling this is going to be one hell of a week.

Saturday, June 9, 2007

Should you acknowledge smses

I have a habit of acknowledging every sms I get by sending back an answer even if its a simple "Ok" or "Yes". My friends, well most of them do the same. None of us like to talk to a brick wall.

I know someone who doesn't. His reasons are always, "I was driving". "I'm too busy". "I forgot". "Hah? Must reply meh?".

So a few times after sending this friend of mine smses like "Meet you at 7pm in Hartamas?" went unanswered, I would assume he's got problems and can't make it. Only to find that the idiot actually did show up. And his remark? "Yah I got your sms but I didn't know must reply. I thought confirm oredi."

So there are people who would spend money and time to drive to the place and park rather than send one cheap lousy sms to confirm. I didn't show up of course and he was pissed about it. I told him serve you right. And despite that my friend was still adamant about why reply smses. "Since you oredi said it yesterday, means confirm lah. Why must sms again?" he would say.

I suppose there are people who believe that plans once set can never be changed or that people have perfect memories and never forget an appointment. Then again there are cheapskates who don't like to incur the cost of sending an sms.

What do you think? Is it reasonable to expect your smses to be acknowledged? Do you send acknowledgements?

Friday, June 8, 2007

Where have all the women gone?

Go to any mamak stall or 24-hour nasi kandar shop and you will notice one thing. There are no she-mamaks. Not one. Okay there might be one or two ladies (non-mamak) helping out but from what I can see, the mamak shop business is monopolized exclusively by men.

Anybody know why?

Still on this topic. Some mamak shops serve more than roti, tandoori and mee goreng. Some are into western food, thai food, even chinese food.

Would you go to a mamak shop for a steak, tom yum or chicken rice?

Wednesday, June 6, 2007

The last 24 hours

So much has happened in the last 24 hours. Accidents, emergency rooms, leveraged buyouts, migration planning.

How I wish the world is this simple.

Monday, June 4, 2007

How many Malaysians does it take...

...to withdraw money from the ATM?


Three according to this picture. One to insert the card, one to key in the PIN, and one to say "Hey what the ^%$! you guys aren't doing it right."

It would've been funnny if there wasn't 5 people in line waiting and fidgeting as these three tried to crack the DaVinci code of ATMs. But honestly why is it that in this day and age, its so common to see people still struggling to use a simple piece of technology? Or is it just in Malaysia?

To complete the story of the photo, after trying all manner of ways these three couldn't figure out how it worked and left.

My turn was next. I was in and out with da cash within 30 seconds.

They turned around and couldn't believe their eyes.

Sunday, June 3, 2007

Guys emo? Nevar!

To balance out the last post I wrote, I must be fair and say that guys are as emo and irrational as girls too. Yes, we are all happy irrational people.

Girl: Why do you love me?

Guy: I dunno. I just think you’re nice.

Girl: But surely there must be a reason right? Is it my looks, my charm?

Guy: (Getting restless) I said I like means I like lah. What time is it?

Girl sighs happily. They ride off into the sunset.

Yeah, soppy stuff and completely devoid of any rationale.

But seriously, when guys brag and boast, when its attitude time, when they react in anger, when we buy a remote controlled car because it looks cool, these are all emotions talking. We just don’t call it emo because that label is so un-macho.

Everyone knows that straight, macho bread-winning guys are not supposed to be emo.

Hmmm… maybe we do come from the same planet after all.

Saturday, June 2, 2007

Logic versus emotion

Sometimes I scratch my head when guys and girls argue.

Girl: Why didn't you call me last night?

Guy: My handphone battery went dead and I couldn't get home till midnight.

Girl: But I waited till 1am!

Guy: I was too tired darling. I'm sorry if I kept you waiting.

Girl: (sob sob, sniff sniff) You don't love me any more.

Guy: Of course I do. I told you I was just too tired and I didn't want to wake you up by calling so late.

Girl: Bwaa haaa haaa (cries loudly)

Guy disappears, comes back with flowers and chocolate. Girl wins.

You know that thing about men and women coming from different planets? What if its not a joke?

Boys like to use logical argument to explain themselves. Girls like to use emotions to get their way. Boys are dumbfounded that girls can't accept logical persuasion. Girls can't understand why boys don't "get it".

First they dismiss it as just a boy/girl thing. Then it gets bigger. After a while they just tolerate each other. Sometimes after 20-30 years all communication breaks down.

If the way we solve problems is a criteria, we're like cat and dog. And yet we can't live without each other.

Strange place we live in.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Nerds are conquering Formula One

The current formula one season is a non-starter for me. I've been a fan of Mclaren the underdog for years and things have turned around for them. They're now the dominant force.

So why do I say its a non-starter? It has something to do with the word underdog.

I've always been a supporter of strong underdogs. Teams that have the machinery, guts, talent and attitude but are somehow beaten to the finish line by one thing - sheer bad luck. I say bad luck because with the phenomenal research and testing they've done and talents like Kimi on board, how else would you characterize Mclaren's constant failure of past seasons?

Guess I'm not immune to the showbiz factor of formula one. I love the good guy/bad guy feeling. Every movie producer knows how that drives ratings, especially the good folks at the WWF. For Mclaren fans Schumi was for a long time the bad guy. Kimi was the veritable silver angel out to defeat the red devil. Michael's cocky attitude laid the groundwork for an exciting joust and Kimi's mysterious equipment failures never failed to draw out sympathies from his fan base. Jokers like Sato and Mantoya would liven the scene at the back.

How things have changed in a few short months. Bad boy Michael has retired (although still hangs out at the tracks). Kimi has switched horses to Ferrari and brought along his bad luck with him. Alonso the nerd is being trounced by his teammate Hamilton, also a nice guy who never ceases to smile. Massa, yet another nice diplomatic guy, is always in the top 3.

Aaarggh, the nerds have taken over the front line. No more attitude. No more villains to hiss at. Everyone's nice, cordial, cooperative, smiling. Shivers.

Things are getting predictable again albeit the tables being turned. Everyone's now betting on the silver car, the one with Hamilton in it. Kimi is sliding backwards to become just another driver despite sitting in a throroughbred. I found myself sitting happily at the mamak stall last Sunday when I should be watching the flag-off in Monaco and worse, I didn't feel any remorse.

Frankly I don't know which team to support any more. My favorite underdog is now running away with the trophies and the team I disliked is now the underdog. And the interesting characters like DC are now stuck in the middle of the field and definitely not adding to the excitement.

I have nothing against nerds. I just hate boring races where there are no more bad guys to beat.

Monday, May 28, 2007

Body art. Do you?

Business is booming in New York City. Not tattoo or body piercing shops but the tattoo removal business. That's according to CNN.

Apparently many wall street executives and young mothers who once clamored to have tattoos done are now clamoring to get them off, permanently. Enter the laser tattoo removal peeps.

We asians are smarter. We've got tatts that wear off after 2 weeks. But I'm not sure about the holes left behind by piercings on the tongue, nose and other parts of the body. Do they heal?

I have no piercings or tattoos to worry about and so its not my area of expertise but I've wondered about this. If you're invited to dinner by your future parents-in-law, would you take off the chrome studs on your pierced eyebrows and tongue just for the occasion, even though the reason you have them in the first place is because they define 'you'?

Would you bother to cover up that tattoo on your arm or belly button? Or would you do the love-me-for-what-I-am thing?

Sunday, May 27, 2007

Celcom football ads

A couple of tv ads by Celcom lingers in my mind although not for the reasons the ad maker would have intended.

The first one is the weeping woman who sobs away as she watches a soccer match on telly. I dunno if she's crying because she lost a huge bet or her boyfriend left her but she's clearly distressed.

The second one, probably of the same series, is about a man who laughs uncontrollably to the match on tv. I'll call him Mr. Hyena. He acts like he escaped from a mental asylum.

I'm no ad guru but if I remember my advertising 101, a good ad has 2 things. First a call to action, second a dramatization of the uniqueness of the product.

These 2 football ads have a call to action alright. They prompt me to switch channels everytime they come on air. I don't fancy having extremely distraught women or someone like Mr. Hyena in my living room. Not even after a couple of beers.

Perhaps the ad maker assumes that the football-watching crowd's senses is so dull that they feel compelled to go waaay over the top to send a simple message. Its called overkill.

On dramatizing the uniqueness of a product, I think this one crashed & burned because the target group, young cellphone users like me, have no idea what its trying to dramatize. The only connection I've made is that if you watch a soccer match sponsored by Celcom, you will become a hyena or you'll cry your eyeballs out. Neither one makes exciting prospect.

The things companies do to their own brands...

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Of gays and lesbians

Gallivanter asked an interesting question in his blog: Why is it both men and women accept lesbians as part of society, but not gays.

Here's the answer I posted:

I'll answer the 2nd part first. Actually I found that many of my male friends have no problem with gays but due to peer pressure, they have to act as if its not ok. Its an image thing. When you're trying to be seen as an alpha male, you cannot afford to be seen as 'soft'. In fact you make fun of 'soft' people just to strengthen the perception that you are unlike them. Its quite self serving actually, to feel better about oneself by hating other that are not like you.

On the straight male's acceptance of gay females, that's a fantasy thing. What's a bed full of naked females? A harem. To the guy it doesn't matter what the ladies are doing to each other because his focus is on the number of female genitals available. So again it serves his purpose.

I've been meaning to write about the gay & lesbian topic for a while and I think this is a good time.

I'm lucky in the sense that of the few friends that I have, none of them care whether their friends are gay or straight. They're smart enough to separate character (how people treat one another) from sexual orientation (what people do in bed), a feat not many people can do.

But I also know it doesn't come without limits. Despite their coolness about it, they don't want to be seen hanging out with 'lady boys,' heavily made-up men who dress up as women. So their acceptance is actually tolerance. Its not the same thing. Hence my conclusion that it boils down to the protection of self image.

But that's reality isn't it. If you have coffee at Starbucks with an old male classmate who has become an effeminate drama queen, you worry that someone you know might notice you. You worry that the whole town will snicker at you the next day. Most people like to avoid that.

So when people are fearful, they like to brand themselves according to what they're NOT rather than what they ARE. Afraid to be suspected as gay? Then dramatize certain behaviors to send a message that you're NOT gay. You can brag about how many chicks you've laid last weekend and make fun of gays if necessary even though deep down you know trashing people's a bad thing.

About why males happily accept lesbians. Boys will be boys. They are aroused with one set of female genitalia at the scene. They're doubly aroused with two sets. So lesbianism, why not? I doubt if they'll comprehend lesbianism to be anything more than two women sexually stimulating each other.

Another thing. Men are immune to the natural show of friendship among females, the hand holding and hugging thingy. They wouldn't have a clue if there's something deeper going on between the girls. So he *shrugs* because to him its not fathomable, not real, no big deal.

If it sounds like men treat people like sex objects, as a male myself I'll admit its mostly true. I won't generalize except to say that most guys my age only have 2 things on their mind: sex and $$$.

I'll leave you with one thought. If you woke up tomorrow and found that society is no longer homophobic, would you still treat gays and lesbians the same way?

We can fart

You've heard this one I'm sure.

A shopowner woke up one day to discover that a new business had moved in next door. At the front of the shop was a big bold sign that said "Wee Kean Fatt." Not to be outdone, he called up his signage supplier who promptly came and hoisted up the sign "Soh Kean Wee."

Ok, I stumbled on a shop that sounded like the first part of the joke. Well sort of.


Anybody know a shop whose name can stand in for the second part of the joke?

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Male talents

A bit of self criticism for today. I find its ironic when men associate certain jobs with the 'weaker' sex when it is them who are at the top of the category. Examples:

Culinary arts
Fashion designer
Interior designer
Botanist
Fine arts
Tailor
Hair stylist
Masseuse
Modeling (some men are more beautiful than women :D)

Aren't all these dominated by men?

But I must be fair and say that men also top other categories like serial killer.

Women are the same aren't they. They too want to define 'male' jobs and 'female' jobs. A breadwinner must be a male job even if its the woman who earns more than the man.

Gender-stereotyping at work is so last-generation. Women are getting into macho jobs like security guards despite saying that providing security is a man's job. And men have not moved out of restaurant kitchens despite saying that cooking is a woman's job.

Even underwear doesn't escape this state of affairs. A generation ago who would foresee bikinis for men and boxers for women. There's man-bags now which is a more feminine version of the 'uncle-bag', that rectangular palm-sized leather bag than old uncles love to use. I hear we'll be seeing man-bras next for people with man-boobs like Simon of American Idol. And women can now pee standing up just like their male counterparts, thanks to some new inventions.

But I bet some forms of gender seterotyping will never go away.

Sometimes we expect to see this:


and then we see this:
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Hahahahahaha....

Getting your way by saying No

Some people develop a curious reflex action of starting every sentence with "No lah!!" even though there's nothing to disagree with. Example:

A: Yay!! Its Friday, thank god.
B: Nahh lah! Friday oso u want to jump up and down.

I've been wondering about the benefits of this style of vehement disagreement to nothing in particular and this is what I want to analyze today, because I think there's more to it than meets the eye.

Right. Ahermm.

Firstly whether something is true or not, saying "No" can put you in control. Its a note of disapproval that can be designed to put you on the offensive and the other on the defensive. Nobody likes no's. For some, its a natural inborn communication style to draw others into adverserial positions to elicit a response, sort of like a verbal ambush. They mostly have no clue why people feel offended. You might not see this as a benefit unless you appreciate that to stake a good ambush, you must be on high ground. High school debaters understand this very well.

Secondly by saying no you establish a master-servant relationship. A "no" from you forces the other person to come back with options until you say yes, especially when they want to please you. Its a great tool for making others do your work if you're a lazy-ass mofo.

I once had a gf who liked to say its up to me where to go for dinner but she'll always say no to any place I mention. Was I a servant at that moment. Yes and the job? Go find a restaurant and don't come back until you find something that suits my exotic whim of the moment. All she has to do is sit like a queen and bestow her approval and disapproval depending on her fancy. So one day I came prepared. When she did that, I whipped out the yellow pages and told her here's every restaurant in the city, you choose. We broke up a week later. Guess it wasn't about choice after all but about control.

Thirdly saying no puts you on a higher plane of intellect. It sends a message that your wisdom is so superior that you naturally must be right. You talk, they listen, end of discussion. Its a great band-aid if you feel your ego is under constant threat.

Ok, now let me talk about the other side of things.

Differences in opinion is normal and actually necessary in a healthy debate. However the excessive and indiscriminate use of "No" is a sign of manipulativeness. I don't have to tell you how that can destroy friendships and relationships.

Like everything else, there is a time and place to assert your righteous "no", like in a work environment where there's a well-defined pecking order. Its fair to say that an army whose soldiers doesn't know who's boss is not a pretty sight.

Its not okay if you bring home that mode of thinking and start treating your friends and loved ones like privates in the army. They might not even subscribe to your shool of thought that being an asshole is being macho, sexy and therefore desirable. Well, when one can't connect the dots and the mouth moves faster than the brain, one can end up looking like an ass.

Then again, some people want to to be dominated. They want to be manipulated. And they look for a master to talk down to them. I'm not into S&M but if it floats their boat then who am I to say its bad, as long as I'm not at the receiving end.

For me personally, I have no special craving for approval (ok ok, I do want an approval code whenever they swipe my credit card) so I'd like to think I'm able to ditch friendships that are maniplative. Say no to me enough times for no good reason and I say bye bye to your phone number in my cell. It's not about being intolerant to diverse views but I am allergic to people who are clearly manipulative - you know, control freaks, pompous asses and the like.

But what if you want to say an honest no without pissing someone off?

How about replacing "no" with these words:

I have a different opinion.
There is another way. Listen to this.
Wouldn't that be a bad thing?
I see it differently.
Ok. What if .... (lay out your alternative view here)

The lesson I learnt is if you want to maintain a relationship that's harmonious, think before you say a big fat No to people in the face. Even if they're wrong. Its not whether you agree or disagree. Its how you disagree.

But then again not everyone is interested in maintaining a balanced relationship are they.

Monday, May 21, 2007

Some random thoughts

At the midnight tai pai thong (big row of hawkers) the other night, a friend - one of the very few who knows I blog - asked me why do I continue blogging when hardly anyone bothers to leave comments. He also noticed that I have no ads. No adsense. No nuffnang. No paid reviews. So why waste my time?

This is probably a good place for me to say why I blog. I blog because I want to keep a diary. The main audience is me. I enjoy writing stuff down and revisiting it a few years later so I could laugh my head off. I'd keep a physical diary if I didn't always lose stuff like I do. A blog, now that's a lot harder to misplace.

But the biggest reason why I blog is a practical one. I blog because I think a lot better when I write. It started in school when I noticed that everytime I have a tough problem to crack, I would reach for a pen and paper and start drawing or scribbling away. Somehow, a solution will always find its way on that piece of paper. It only dawned on me much later that writing helps me break down a puzzle mentally into its smallest details. You could say its like meditation.

Do I blog for fame. On the contrary I place a high value in NOT being a celebrity. I wrote about why previously. Having visitors to this site is nice but having none is perfectly alright too since it was set out to be just a diary.

I place a link in PPS because I know that good ideas don't develop in isolation. It helps to know what other people think about what you write. But just as there's no such thing as perfect senses, there's no such thing as perfect perspectives, mine included. But that's cool. To live in a world where there's only one opinion would be a nightmare don't you think.

There is no right or wrong reason to blog. Oklah, maybe there's one. To blog as a means to settle scores with someone is where I draw the line. I believe in karma, online and offline.

People have their own reasons to blog and whether its for fame or personal image, hey go for it. Everyone should have a fair shot to be what they want to be, so long as no humans or animals are purposely hurt in the process.

That's my 2 cents worth about blogging.

Sunday, May 20, 2007

How to win a race in a traffic jam


Some time ago I arrived at the conclusion that Malaysia actually sits in the Bermuda triangle, unknown to most people. If you don't know what the Bermuda triangle is, it's an infamous part of the world where things defy the laws of logic.

In no other part of the world can you see cars turning left when they signal right, driving slow in the fast lane and driving towards you on a one-way street. Heck, you don't even find this in Bermuda.

This morning's drive was a classic case. Me and my buddy Mark agreed to meet up at Starbucks for an early morning coffee. Although we live in the same neighborhood, we drove separately. He's a fast driver like me. We placed a small bet. We'll take off from my house at the same time and the last person that arrives pays for breakfast.

We realize that at 8.30am on a working day, the roads will be choked with crawling traffic. The result? I won by 15 minutes.

How did I do it? Simple. When the road is jammed up, drive at the leftmost lane.

Yes that's the slow lane where the traffic moves fastest (Hey we're in the Bermuda triangle remember?). Like today, on one small stretch alone I overtook 26 near-stationary cars in the 'fast' lane.

Try it out and see if it works for you.

Anyway, thanks Mark for breakfast. Lets do it again sometime.

Friday, May 18, 2007

What do you think of girls who go for younger guys?

When I was 16 I had my first date ever with a girl who was 2 years older than I was. I was a coward then and she was the one who asked me out. I never thought about the age difference but I do remember being awed at how she handled the waiters at the place we went: a cozy pizza parlor in the suburbs of Chicago where I went to school. I was wowed that she actually drove her mom's car like an expert.

In college when I was about 20 years old I remember going out with another older girl. I remember she said she was 23. I said cool and that was that. She had a job in real estate. Again there was nothing that caused me to think about the numbers gap and we had a great time.

But when I came back here I notice a distinct preference in men to go for younger women, or perhaps older women who looked young. Yesterday was the 2nd time this week that someone asked me why I'm going out with an older woman. Shirley my gf is in reality 2 years younger than I am. We are kinda like Spiderman and his girlfriend.

Ok, maybe Shirl dresses up more maturely but that's her own style whereas I'm less picky about my clothes. I'm used to being mistaken for someone in his late teens. I guess I should have seen it coming.

Anyway there seems to be this unwritten rule here that girls are supposed to go out with guys older than them. Why? What difference does a couple of years make or even 5 or 6 for that matter. I actually have a friend in New Jersey who dated a 25 year old woman when he was 16. He thought she was hot and she didn't mind and they dated for a while. They separated when he went on to college.

Personally age was never a criteria for me. I can understand why its not a good idea to be dating someone old enough to be your parent but not if they are just a few years apart. Or am I missing something here?

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

The trouble with being a salesman

Everyone's wary of a salesman. The funniest thing is that even a salesman would avoid meeting another salesman. Why?

I guess people generally hate the idea of being sold to, of being led down the path to spend on something they don't need. Just look at all the people trying to shove their wares to you at the department store, especially at the fragrance department.

I'm like everyone else. I'll choose what I buy and where I buy it thank you very much. And yet I know that in reality we're all salesmen whether we like it or not.

I say that because we're always trying to convince others that we are nice people, that we have good intentions, that our idea is the best. There's a term for it - its called selling. On the other side we hope somebody will 'buy' what we sell, to be convinced that we are as nice as we say, that our idea is as good as we claim, that our church is better than the other one, etc etc.

Ever interviewed for a job? Well, you were selling. If you're good, they'll buy. If not, hasta la vista baby. What we're selling is not the point. The point is that whether you're trying to convince someone to hire you or you're selling shampoo, the thought processes are virtually identical. Think about it.

So next time if someone says "Salesmen are scum," ask them if they've really thought things through.

(Janet, I hope you're reading this :D)

Monday, May 14, 2007

Hard choices

I bet everyone can name examples where money is power but not everyone can quote when money is NOT power. I mean the power to zap away problems. So let me quote a few.

When a kidnapper takes your loved ones. When you're robbed. When you're ripped off into paying more just because you look rich. When people say unkind words to you because they wanted more. When your gf or bf leaves you because of money. When the tax department comes after you.

Poor people have poor people problems and rich people have rich people problems. In reality the size of your wallet has nothing to do with your ability to attract problems. Its funny how we're conditioned to believe that money can make our problems disappear 'cause it doesn't.

I'm not pro or anti money. I don't dispute its necessity. I just want to recognize money for what it is - as merely the means to an end but not an end in itself. Yes I need it to survive but I won't sacrifice my sanity for it.

Why am I rambling about money? Because the day will soon come when I have to choose between managing a family fortune (or misfortune depending on how you look at it) and letting it go to my brother.

Yeah its always nice to have a business that gives you more money than you can use but when it comes to money I am cautious. I've seen how relatives flock to my father and seen the pain in his eyes when he deals with the insincere. I've seen the bitterness between associates, the anxious periods during tax audits, bodyguards, fear of extortionists, frivolous legal claims, things that latch themselves to money. These things don't give me the freedoms that I want

I'm no monk either and Shirley my gf might disagree with me on this but my ideal is to live as an average guy, drive an average car and wear average clothes but having enough in the bank to not have to worry about bills. I like being down to earth and being with down to earth people. Country club memberships and the stuffy folk that come with it's not my cup of tea. Neither are my BMW-driving cousins who's always competing against each other on who's got the most platinum cards.

Hmmm... the power to make people run at my beck and call or the power to be free from pretentiousness and groveling. Tough choice.

I dunno know about you but its kinda nice to not have to worry about such things.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Kimi's jinx and the Singapore GP

Poor "Ice man" Kimi Raikonnen. Last year's championship eluded him because his Mclaren car had reliability problems big time, so much so that it became predictable. Whenever he's this close to clinching a race, you'll know there's bound to be a suspension problem here, a tire problem there to force him into early retirement. You could even set up a betting counter to accept bets on what part of his car will go bust this time and you'd make money. The gods weren't smiling on him.

He must have heaved a sigh of relief to join Ferrari whose cars' resilience is legendary. Never a breakdown in years. But alas it was not to be. Kimi was forced out of the race yesterday due to an electrical failure that killed the engine as his teammate Massa roared on to win the race. I don't recall Ferrari ever having a problem like it. Did the unsmiling gods pack up and move over to Ferrari with him? I'm beginning to think so.

Man, what does Kimi need to do to win a race. He's got the grit. He's got the experience. And he's fast. But his luck is like crap.

On to other news. I'm elated that Singapore's officially on the 2008 F1 calendar, the year when Sepang's contract with FIA expires I believe. There's talk about night races in the street circuit, an idea promoted by Sepang at one time. And even more interesting is the fact that the private party behind Singapore GP Pte Ltd that'll tie up with the FIA, tycoon Ong Beng Seng, is Malaysian born. Very interesting.

So will F1 continue in Sepang after 2008? I hope so but I have some doubts. Only time will tell.

Saturday, May 12, 2007

Don't mix business and friendship

I hate member get member schemes.

A friend of mine tried to soft sell me something the other day. I was partly amused and partly annoyed. Amused because being a normally shy and quiet guy, he's a disaster at selling. Annoyed because I hate to see a good relationship commercialized.

Ok, maybe its just me but I always have this thing against profiting from friends and loved ones. Money has a way of changing relationships, not always for the better. I don't like to wonder about my freinds' intentions everytime they call. It's not cool.

I agree there's nothing wrong with making a buck from a friend IF he is a willing party. The trouble is I was not a willing party. I didn't need the thing he was selling and I didn't enjoy telling him to zip it after he went on and on about it all evening. For me to buy it out of pity or to make him shut up is to be insincere. Either way it puts me in an awkward position. I hope he didn't take my rejection too personally.

I know many people have customers who eventually become their good friends but there's a big difference - the part about willing parties. Not everyone's willing to let their friendship be transformed into a platform to promote products and make profits.

Anyway it was a rude reminder to me that even reputable companies are not beneath the tactics of dodgy MLM companies in turning their customers into direct salesmen. I've seen credit card, insurance and telecomms companies do it and in the process contaminating the trustworthiness factor of their brands. So damn stupid.

Are the companies to blame? I don't think so. A tiger cannot change its stripes. If there's one thing they understand, its the power of money and people's hunger for it. In the end its up to us whether to take the bait or not.

Wednesday, May 9, 2007

Child disciplining: Are there limits?

This post is a little awkward for me as I'm not a parent but I recently saw a couple of sights that nauseated me.

First, a mother of 3 who makes it an almost daily affair to simultaneously beat all her children aged 1-5. The weapon is a plastic clothes hanger. The whippings can be heard a couple of houses away and if you could turn off the screams, the sound of the hanger's impact with the body is enough to tell you she's using all her strength to inflict pain. And not only that. Every episode is accompanied by a series of loud thuds. I imagine either the kids would fall or worse, they may be purposely flung against the wall as part of the punishment. I'll say again, the kids are 1-5 years old and the episodes occur almost daily.

The second one was at a chinese restaurant. A female kid, also about 5 years, was having a tense moment with her mother. Crying loudly, the kid sat at the far end of the table to sulk. Suddenly the mother chased her around the table whacking her with a plate with all her might. This was right in the middle of a packed restaurant. The child screamed trying to ward off the blow with her tiny hands but the mother continued to beat her face with the plate. I swear when the mum paused to lean on a chair, I thought she was going to pick it up and smash it (the chair) against her child. She looked mad enough. Fortunately one of the patrons, a mid-aged father of two, stepped in using kind and calm words to separate the two.

All I can ask about the violence is, why?

I say violence because its not the same as disciplining. As a kid I've received my share of spanking which I'm sure I deserved but never to this degree.

What drives a mother to hurt the people she's supposed to love the most? What do you suppose the kids will grow up into?

Saturday, May 5, 2007

Spiderman 3: My Review

[Don't worry no spoliers ahead]

Cross Spiderman 1 & 2, Mask and the Powerpuff Girls and what do you get? Yep, Spiderman 3.

For a Saturday night, the GSC at 1 Utama wasn't packed as it normally would be and I had no trouble smuggling something into the cinema. Not a video camera obviously but a can of Pringles potato chips since there was nothing at the popcorn stand that could last me through the 2.5 hr show. Shirley carried the drinks.

The movie started with a few flashbacks to serve as useful reminders as to why the story developed the way it did. As far as the action scenes went, there was nothing new. Its the same old swinging around and bashing people up.

But if you can see beyond simply action, you'll find where the gem truly is. I only realized about an hour into the show that a message slowly was sinking in - that while its easy to get mad and destroy the things we hate, forgiving ourselves and our enemies is a tougher yet more noble way of solving conflict. For me the story unravelled itself as one about friendship, betrayal, anger and forgiveness and ultimately about how to get peace.

The fact that a movie like this had a message at all made it superior to the 1st and 2nd installation of Spiderman. And for that I give it an enthusiastic thumbs up.

So why do I compare it to the movie Mask? Well, when Peter Parker was under the control of the alien black thing, his persona took on dark side. He then got aggressive and started kacau-ing the girls, danced on countertops and generally made an ass of himself on the streets of NYC. That was a mirror of Jim Carey's trademark character in the Mask.

And the Powerpuff Girls? Well, look at how Spiderman and Green Goblin Jr tried to take on the gigantic Sandman, then look at how Blossom & Buttercup try to take out a monster attacking Townsville. Then you'll see what I mean.

But that doesn't change my view that this is one of the better Spiderman installments so far. My recommendation: go watch it.

Thursday, May 3, 2007

Noisy mamaks

What is it with Malaysians and loud noise.

I was at a 24-hour mamak stall last night with some friends, one of those corner shop affairs that would set up its chairs and tables al fresco (under the open sky) after dusk. Nowadays its becoming fashionable for mamak shops to show soccer matches on a large screens placed outdoors, with sound system cranked up loud. Except this wasn't the only source of entertainment for this shop.

Inside the shop, they were showing a movie on two large screen tvs. The sound was pumped though a home theater system which you can hear from half a block away. On top of that they had Hindi music playing from a cheap cassette player sitting behind the cashier, the volume pushed up to pierce the mighty home theater with its shrill tinny sound. And all the speakers were strategically aimed ar the crowd of 15-odd tables outside.

So there we were sitting in the middle of the crowd. I was struggling to hear the conversation above the din bombarding us from different directions. I could not hear myself think. For much of the night I just sat there paralyzed, having one teh tarik after another.

Surprisingly nobody was bothered by this very loud assault on their auditory senses. Everyone was happily shouting and laughing at the top of their voices.

This noise cocktail reminds me of hot drink mixes popular here like cham (tea plus coffee) and Neslo (instant coffee plus milo) except that this is closer to strong tea, coffee, milo, coca cola and fanta grape mixed together with condensed milk and a spoonful of salt.

Or maybe its just me. I am unlucky enough to be born hypersensitive to sound. In school I could never understand how people could study with Bon Jovi turned up at full blast. Nor could I figure out how my old roommate could play mp3s on winamp, play a noisy computer game and watch tv across the room all at the same time. My brain just jams up when it tries to process too many sound inputs all at once.

Back to Malaysians. Has anyone noticed that tv sets have become mandatory fixtures at tom yum stalls. To stand out in the crowd the stall operator would try to drown out the neighbour's tv volume, usually with the help of a powerful home theater system and strategically placed speakers. To double the attraction of his stall, he turns on a CD player and cranks it up to compete with his own tv set. To triple the attraction, he sets up a third sound source, maybe local talk radio, to compete with the first two. To quadruple the effect... well you get the picture. All this emanating from a stall no larger than 3mx3m. And from the looks of it the patrons seem to love not being able to tell when one song ends and another begins.

And its not just food establishments. I took a 5-hour ride in a bas ekspres once. In his infinite wisdom the bus attendant decided to turn on the "in-flight" entertainment so that the passengers can enjoy two Hindi movies back to back on a high mounted tv. The volume was cranked up until the speaker crackled. It didn't matter to him that it was 11pm and that some passengers might actually be desperately trying to catch some sleep. I think the expectation is for you to just sit down and take whatever's dished out to you.

If you think this only happens in hawkers and cheap express buses, you're dead wrong. How about the flying mamak express. On a couple of international MAS flights, I got so annoyed with the overly loud (and cheesy) music they played during descent that I flagged the steward and asked him, "Excuse me, isn't the volume a bit loud? I didn't know we're a flying disco." He just smiled and guess what. He disappeared to the galley and did nothing. Only after I called him a second time, took down his name and told him exactly what I would do if he didn't lower the volume did he lower it.

Trust me, when you're thrown about by turbulence and your eardrums are struggling with cabin depressurization, the last thing you want to be is drowned in loud music.

This obsession with shoving loud sounds down people's ears permeates in every level of society here - from village warungs to taxis to 5-star hotels. Why? I haven't the faintest idea. I suppose its one of those things that makes Malaysia uniquely Malaysia.

Wednesday, May 2, 2007

What do girls really look for in a guy?

I thought I had the answer to this but somewhow I found myself stumped when someone asked me the question yesterday.

Well actually the first thing that came to my mind was the old Singaporean "5C" answer a.k.a. Cash, car, credit card, condo, cock.

Now the last item has to be mentioned because out of 100 people walking down Orchard Road that looks like a guy, some are not really guys if you know what I mean.

But I wonder is the 5C answer still true today?

Before you say something I have a better question: Is that all that girls want?

I mean what if the guy is 80 years old and raves like a crazy lunatic but endowed with the 5C's? What if he's fat and lazy and full of shit but rich?

I think the 5C answer is presumptous. It assumes that all girls leech off their guys for material comfort (girls, doesn't that just piss you off?), you know, the insistence that the boy must always pick up the tab at the restaurant and for just about everything that costs money. It may be normal in my grandfather's time but women didn't demand equality then.

But wait, who am I kidding. Have you ever met a girl who offers to pick up the tab at the restaurant? I haven't. Note to self: Next time I spot the waiter coming with the check, I should try excusing myself to the bathroom and see if she ponies up the money or hovers over the unpaid check with a saccharin-sweet smile until I come back.

Ok, so maybe the first 4C's are still valid and whether the girl believes in chivalry or just is a plain simple freeloader, the outcome is all the same - the guy pays.

Conclusion: a girl looks for someone to "take care" of her financially, never mind if she's more "loaded" than the guy.

Now on to the 5th C. There was a time when I actually believed that girls didn't really like sex but treated it as the price to pay for love. Nowadays if you don't give any sexual innuendos on the first date she'll think you're gay.

Conclusion then: a girl uses sex as a tool to tie up a guy into a long term commitment so she can freeload a little longer so you definitely must have a cock.

Conclusion now: Uhhh.... (is sex still an effective tool to reign a guy in nowadays? I thot have cock will travel.)

Now despite this carefully structured analysis that I've laid out, I know girls will bash my head with their purse if I tell them this is what they really want. So anyone know the answer?

Saturday, April 21, 2007

Short hiatus

I'm about to get on a long overseas flight yet again and Bryan's Cafe won't be updated for a week. I should be back 30th April. Till then take care, be good and always remember to wear protection boys and girls :P

Bryan

Thursday, April 19, 2007

The Virginia Tech incident: My take

To some, Cho is the aggressor. To others he is the victim. I think he's both.

From CNN you could see all the signs of someone who buckled under peer pressure starting from high school where he was teased and told to go back to China (he's korean). Who knows what untold stories there are, probably from elementary school about how he may have been bullied for being different. You could see it in his voice and facial expression from his home video.

The typical response from social leaders there is that well everybody gets bullied, big deal, so why must he respond so differently?

Hmm... where have I heard that before. Oh yeah, I once went to my internet service provider to complain about poor line quality and was told we dish the same crap to a million customers so why should you be any different.

These people assume everyone's like everyone else. They don't recognize people as individuals. That's how bullies operate, by depersonalizing their victims. That's why they can stick it to many people without any conscience.

I'm not saying that Cho is right in his bloody rampage. Taking someone's life under whatevere excuse is always wrong (and so is the Virginia law allowing people to buy guns without a waiting period which is supposed to filter out angry gun buyers) but what I'm asking is is society totally innocent in the making of Cho?

In his videos, he told of the aggravating conditions where felt victimized and pushed over the edge for things he had no control over like his skin colour and lack of wealth. He's clearly spelling out the stimulus and the response, the cause and effect, albeit from his little isolated mind which wouldn't have mattered under most circumstances. Except that it did matter as the middle-class community eventually found out.

The psychologists are now falling over each other in their response, saying that bullying is normal, implying that Cho should have taken it like a man. I was stunned. In a young mind, reality is painfully simple. Everyone suffers from bullying but some handle it better than others. But from what the psychologists are saying, if you can't handle bullying, you must be a crazy nut and a potentially dangerous person. And of course not a word is said about the bullies themselves.

Knowing the Americans, they will spend weeks on tearful eulogies about how beautiful and full of life were the victims who died (even though some may have been total assholes in real life) but very few will be introspective about why Cho became what he became. Its always a lot easier to blame than to ponder and even if they did, it'll just be a matter of academics and certainly not society-changing. Bullying is just part of growing up in America.

Personally being US-schooled, I've had people yell "hey chink" and fling garbage at me from moving cars simply because I'm Asian. It didn't affect me then and it doesn't affect me now. I learned to accept that its just human nature to feel threatened when someone different is in your midst and for you to be sidelined or ejected for it.

But if society wants to take this sort of hate as the norm, then it should also accept as norm that there will always be a one-in-a-million someone who loses it and kills half the town as society pushes him over the edge. I am in a sense puzzled by the outrage. Sadness yes but surprise no. To me its all just part of the impersonal, natural balancing mechanism of societies that includes disease and natural disasters.

One thing for sure, someone is going to make a movie out of this.

Sunday, April 15, 2007

A man thinks about sex every 52 seconds. True or false?

A man will think about sex every 52 seconds while the subject tends to cross women's minds just once a day according to this report.

Do you believe it?

For me, the researcher is wrong. Actually man thinks about sex ALL the time. He just doesn't realize it.

Let me illustrate. Aherm.

You see, whatever man does, it is connected to enhancing the opportunity to pass along his genes. Nice cars, clothes, condo, make-up, being slim and gym-fit are all meant to impress, to send a message that you are nice and worthy of a shag. You slog at the uni and then look for a job so that you can afford to have these images.

The battles you fight on the job are just efforts to protect your sex life because lets face it, no money no sex.

You eat nice food and take vitamins because nobody wants to shag with you if you look frail and sickly. You buy a PC so that you can go to Friendster and look for sex. You frequent a club because they got hot chicks there. Even blogging is connected to sex. I might blog because making new friends boosts my confidence and with some fame I can become a celebrity at parties. And then girls will fling themselves at me and say they wanna have my baby.

And its not just you and me. The whole blardy society - friends, family, co-workers, teachers, are all urging us to have sex. If you don't believe it, try telling people you're 30-something and single. Then watch them rush over and ask when are you going to get married lah, why wait so long lah, etc etc.

So there, I have proven that everyone, young or old, man or woman, has sex on their minds all the time. We're all obsessed with boobs, cheebyes and kukuciaus and every single thing we do is somehow or rather connected to a shag. That's why I have a lot of respect for the Japanese who celebrate the giant penis festival. I can say they are very honest about life. Here's a picture of these honest people.


That's why I think the researcher should fly over to Malaysia or Japan and conduct his research there.

Saturday, April 14, 2007

The trouble with testosterone

According to this British report, the sight of a pretty woman is enough to throw a man's decision-making skills into disarray, making him more likely to accept unfair offers then men who are not easily aroused. The higher the testosterone levels, the more vulnerable he is to such stimulus.

I can vouch for that. My good buddies who are forever distracted by big boobies can never seem to keep a job. No wonder lar.

What I didn't know was that you can measure testosterone levels by comparing the length of your index finger and ring finger. According to the report, if your ring finger is longer, you have a high testosterone level.

(Note to self: date a woman with an exceedingly long ring finger and be prepared there could be something else "down there".)

The report also mentioned that the researchers were unable to find any visual stimulus which will affect women's behaviour.

I guess they haven't tried a Sale 50% Off sign.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Parents please don't name your baby when you're drunk

Would anyone date your child if they had names like these?

Amber Moenning
Anita Hoare
Chris Klitgaard
Cookie Munster
Craven Dick
Dr. Harry C. Beaver
Gae Hooker
Harry Hooker
Harry Kok
Hugh Willie
Ima Hogg
Ima Goodman
Jack Schitt
Jim Laucher (pronounced locker)
Jim Shu
Jim Sox
Jo King
Long Harden
Nelson Arse
Philip Hiscock
Richard Finder (aka Dick Finder)
Richard Hertz (aka Dick Hertz)
Richard Holder (aka Dick Holder)
Richard Hunter (aka Dick Hunter)
Robin Banks
Willie Stroker

I don't even dare list some Cantonese and Hokkien names that have weird English meanings.

Just remember that your child needs his or her social life and would prefer to grow up without a name-induced psychological disorder.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Amazing Race Lessons: Are Asians Cheaper?

I've been pondering about the race economics.

Winners of The Amazing Race get US 1 million.

Winners of The Amazing Race Asia get US 100,000.

Both races are are equally punishing.

I assume both series are broadcast to the world audience. Ok lets say I'm wrong and TARA is broadcast only in Asia. The number of people living within AXN Asia's broadcast range (hence viewership hence ad dollars) is at least equivalent to the US audience size wouldn't you say?

And the chief sponsors of the show aren't to be sniffed at either. Sony's still a leading global brand last time I checked although I'm not so sure about the other sponsors like that Lagoon Resort thingy.

So does anybody know why TARA's prize money is pegged at one-tenth the value in the US?

Would the Americans come to the party if the prize money was only US 100,000?

If they don't, then what does that say about Asians?

Come to think of it, if we're asked to pay to get into such a race, would we?

Just thinking out loud.

Sunday, April 8, 2007

7 habits of highly annoying bosses (and employees)

This is my very own list of habits of annoying bosses.

1. Indecision and refusal to make decisions.

2. Putting the blame on you even though they were the one who decided to proceed.

3. Blatant favoritism.

4. Cluelessness.

5. Manipulativeness.

6. Badmouthing their own staff to others.

7. Management by intimidation / terrorism.


And for annoying employees:

1. Cluelessness.

2. Demand recognition for activity not result.

3. Laziness.

4. Clock-watching (leave at 5pm sharp).

5. Calculative boundary watching (that's not my job syndrome).

6. Don't care attitude

7. Too emo & taking things personally.


A boss should remember that his head will be "chopped off" if his staff doesn't get the work done.

An employee should remember that he's screwed if the boss doesn't think he deserves a promotion or raise.

Moral of the story? A boss shouldn't think he's god because his own godfathers won't be around permanently to protect him. An employee shouldn't behave like he's the devil because even devils need to eat. Both need each other so if they're smart they won't screw around with one another. Well actually you can but the past catches up with you. Always.

This post is dedicated to my friend Ernie in the Middle who's grappling with nasty bosses up there and clueless staff down there.

Manglished

While its normal for the ordinary joe to mispronounce spoken English, I think its appalling when our radio and TV professionals do it. This little exchange on radio happened some time ago. I won't mention the station ID.

DJ (excited): Correct!! And the weiner of the contest is.... Bryan!!!!

Bryan (shocked): What did you call me?

If you must know what a weiner is, its the long brown thing between the buns.


My gf swears the DJ meant "winner" not "weiner" but I wasn't so sure.

If the ads on Astro are any indication, mispronunciations in the media is becoming as common as pisang goreng or is it goreng pisang. Here's a couple more typically mispronounced words.

character: ker-rack-ter
contact: kern-tact
liaise: liars

Oh by the way as mangled as our language is, I've never come across anyone who says "My England not powderful" no matter how ulu they are. I conclude this fancy line only exists in the heads of dumbasses.

Anyway apart from turning us into a laughing stock, inarticulate DJs promote all kinds of bizzare pronunciations to the public, in time turning us into a nation of "ker-ract-ters" who "kern-tacts" and "liars-es" with one another. Now you have to admit that's a little strange coming from a country that takes its language seriously.

But some countries are happy to take a more liberal stance towards comunication. Check out this pic I snapped in Jakarta a few weeks ago.


Chicken bebas pilih?

Chicken, rice, iced lemon tea (small) gloriously spelt out in English on a Bahasa Indonesia ad?

What wouldn't I give to see ads like this in Malaysia :P

Sepang F1 GP: Disappointing

For me, yesterday's race was such a yawn I had to struggle to keep awake after the first half hour.

I had hoped for some rain showers to spice things up. Didn't happen. I had expected Kimi to be more aggressive. Didn't happen. I had expected some wheel-to-wheel banging at the start line. Didn't happen. I had expected some awesome overtaking moves. Didn't happen. Well there was one but one swallow doesn't make a summer. It turned out to be just a uneventful procession of cars with a very predictable ending.

On top of that, the audio quality of the broadcast on Start Sports was absolute crap. The stupid sound engineers cranked up track noise and drowned out the voices of the commentators with the sound of screaming engines. After some annoying minutes trying to hear them above the din, I hit the mute button and watched the race minus the sound. And then I nodded off.

But the most painful part of the GP was seeing the track conditions itself. It was reportedly like hell on earth with track temperatures hitting 59 deg C. Ex driver Narain Karthikeyan described it as driving in an oven. Commentator Steve Slater mentioned searing heat a few times. All drivers who were asked to comment described it as the most punishing circuit of the entire F1 season. You could sense the weariness in everyone.

Now the FIA has always regarded team and spectator comfort as an important criteria in choosing where to host races. Seemingly mundane issues like traffic jams, public parking and lodging have weighed into the decision, putting old favourites like France's Magny Cours and UK's Silverstone on notice.

I have this niggling feeling that when Singapore gets into the calendar, it could spell the end of formual 1 in Sepang because lets face it. Sg's air temperature is 1-2 deg centigrade cooler than Sepang and track temperatures possibly 7-8 degrees lower. A city track has a greater wow factor and promises a higher advertising premium for FIA than a common flat circuit. The benefits of racing on tracks separated by a mere couple of hundred kms may not justify the cost if the demographics are almost identical. If that happens it would be a shame. Well that's just my speculation.

Ho hum. Bahrain GP next week had better be more exciting.

Wednesday, April 4, 2007

7 habits of annoying callers

1. They ring u once, hang up and expect u to call back. And if you don't, they harrass you by repeating it every few minutes for the whole hour.

2. They don't identify themselves and start talking as soon as you pick up the phone. They assume you know who they are and that you're free to talk even if its 2am.

3. They ring u up, keep silent and wait for you to say something first.

4. After being told its the wrong no, they promptly cut off the line without apologizing.

5. They call u and hang up as soon as they hear your voice because they couldn't recognize it.

6. They call you, somehow get the line dropped in the middle of the conversation and then later tick you off because YOU didn't call them back.

7. They call you and immediately ask "who's that?" without even bothering to introduce themselves. The worst is those who promptly cut the line as soon as you tell them who you are.

If you have any of these habits, don't call me :P

Tuesday, April 3, 2007

Sunday, April 1, 2007

Mr Know It All

Do you have friends who has the answer to everything?

I have a few. They are high IQ people who never say "I don't know". If you want to know how the toilet works or why people fart, go ask them.

They are the real-life embodiment of Dexter of the cartoon series Dexter's Lab who has an explanation and technological answer to every problem in his life.

Would I want to know how everything works, to know everything there is to know?

To me that's kind of like asking do I want my presents wrapped up or in a transparent box. What, and give up the fun of tearing the wrapper off and opening it up? No thank you. Sometimes its more fun not to know.

Another friend of mine whom I'll call Mr Porn King shares my thoughts. Well, sort of. He said the sexiest girls are the ones that doesn't bare all. Its the wondering what's inside, the fun of discovery that makes it all the more alluring he says.

Hmmm, great minds think alike?

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

What your car says about you

Someone once asked me what would I buy if I had all the money in the world. The funny thing I remember was that cars weren't the first thing to hit my mind. It was 4th. First was traveling, 2nd a house, 3rd my own business, 4th a better car. 4th? It doesn't sound right but thats what happened.

My friend Ah Loon did the unthinkable. He just took delivery of a brand new BMW 318 and tied himself nicely to a long repayment plan, I think 7 or 9 years.

But he can afford it 'cause unlike me, he's employed. Umm let me rephrase that. I am employed, sort of, if working for the family business counts as employment but certainly my parents would be mortified if I bought a car like Ah Loon's.

Hell yeah I'm envious. It is after all a chick magnet. We went for a spin yesterday afternoon. Even did a minor drift and boy oh boy was I impressed with the handling. The pride of my life, my 2-year old Nissan, seemed so woefully inadequate in comparison.

So over drinks at the Coffee Bean, he asked me what's my image of him now? I dunno I said, flamboyant, risk taker, fun-loving, aggressive maybe. And my ride? He thinks it shows that I am practical, down to earth, stable (he didn't dare say boring as he knows I'd kick him in the butt). Well I could upgrade to a new Fair Lady or Skyline but fat chance. I can't even afford a decent digital camera.

So being the underdog here, I will ask the famous question - why does it matter what one drives if all it does is bring you from point A to B. Right? Wrong. Ever heard of the phrase you are what you eat? Well, apparently you are also what you drive. That is, according to people who will decide whether to be nice to you depending on how you look, which is pretty much everyone outside the monkhood order.

There is one consolation for me though. Its the thought that long after I've graduated to a flying car, my friend Ah Loon will still be paying the monthly installments for his beemer. 9 long years man, holy cow that's paying till the year 2016! Suddenly the thought of owning a Nissan Sentra didn't sound so bad after all.

Sigh, the price to pay for instant recognition.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Bad weather

"You can run from the cold but you can never run from the heat"
- A good friend o'mine

Of late we've been hit with extremely bad weather, as in very hot days with cloudless blue skies.

It was sweltering hot in KL yesterday, so hot that you could literally cook an egg on the pavement.

My ideal environment is a cool 10 deg C but since I am in the tropics, I'll settle for a day-long thunderstorm with lashing rain, 100kmh winds and visibility cut down to 10 feet. Oklah, I'll settle for Genting-like temperatures and clouds hanging out in my room. Anything but this searing heat.

How different it is in the place I last lived (US) where people would worship the sun. They'd bring out their tanning lotions and bask every chance they get. Winter? No problem. They got tanning salons. They want heat, gamma rays, x-rays, whatever rays and can't get enough of it. A sunny day in March will create a carnival-like atmosphere with bikini parties and shit. I hate it.

I think the people in the northern hemisphere should migrate to the desert and the tropics where they can enjoy 40-degree heat all year long plus all the flies and mosquitoes they can handle. By the next millenium, they will have an ever better deal when temperatures soar to maybe 50 degrees centigrade courtesy of global warming. Even at death they can arrange the ultimate in heat-worshipping - a fiery crematorium.

For me I prefer the north pole. I'll even offer my services to Santa for free if he could take me on his sled. Anything but this bad weather.

Sunday, March 25, 2007

Foul mouthed friends

Got foul-mouthed friends who think its cool to use expletives in every other sentence?

I do. Sometimes its funnny but sometimes its not. Somehow my mind has learned to sift through the garbage and pick up only words that have meaning.

I used to wonder why people think its cool to be potty mouthed. It is after all the native language of the crass and educationally challenged. Somehow I missed the part where they became the coolest and hippest guys around. I knew I missed something when I grew up.

But I have an opinion. I say people are not to blame for the swearing culture. You know what I think it is? Language. More specifically the lack of its breadth.

You see there's not nearly enough words in the English, Cantonese or Hokkien dictionary to capture the complete range of human emotions, especially the intense ones.

You have to understand that like Mandarin, English was the language of aristocrats who for some reason were uncomfortable with direct honesty. A butler never says, "Madam, that son of a bitch got really fucked up last night." He says, "Madam, your son had a little too much to drink and fell asleep at the bar." Those days poeple were strictly confined to words available in the dictionary.

So if no word in the dictionary can describe a feeling, why blame one's expressive friends when all they're doing is to reach for the nearest substitute word that does convey the emotion?

In truly honest world of expressive communication, a meeting of a board of directors might go something like this.

Chairman: So what does everybody think of Mr. Liew. Should we promote him?
Director A: Promote him? Shit lah, what talk you.
Director B: This Liew feller ah. Tiuu, he fucked up our project. We should fire his ass.
Director C: Ya lah, that fucker got no brain wan. The other day I fuck him kau kau.
Chairman: Oklah, since everybody disagree with the motion we just fuck it. Tiu.

You have to admit that foul mouthed conversations does have a lot more intensity, assertiveness and comitment, things people look for in leadership compared to the lame-assed aristocratic style talk.

But since I don't swear I guess I'm not a leader (and I am definitely no aristocrat). To me swearing is a lot eating petai or stinky beans. Occasionally its fun to have a few. Any more and people start running away from you. After a while, you find that only other petai-eaters will stick by your side.

But isn't that the same with corporate types. People start leaving when they huddle together 'cause they don't understand all the mumbo jumbo about balance sheets and put options. Many people also think their bosses are assholes. Now since people who swear also go by the same reputation, it proves my point that these two are of the same species.

So my message for today is don't be afraid of your potty mouthed friends for they might end up being your boss one day.

Saturday, March 24, 2007

What's your criteria when choosing a job?

I became a weekend counselor for my cousin who was fresh out of university, had enough of bumming around and is now looking for work. Since I've done the thinking, might as well blog about it.

For me there's no single magic solution or criteria because lets get real, when one is desperate and hungry, what job criteria is there to talk about.

If you are looking for a job, you probably fit into one of these groups:

a. You are a fresh grad willing to try anything
b. You've left a job and must now find one or starve
d. You have a job, are not complaining but open to a better opportunity
c. You have a job but hate it and desperately want out
d. You have no job, are not desperate for one (i.e. you have money) but won't mind some corporate adventure

Fresh Grads
Just like my cousin, I think one of the biggest blunders grads make is to believe that just because they have a degree in engineering, that they must become engineers. That's old school thinking. I know certified lawyers who operate very successful IT companies and an electrical engineer who manages a chain of lifestyle restaurants. And they are happy. Like my cousin, they didn't actually choose their line of study. It was made for them by overzealous parents, peer pressure, badly trained counselors, horoscopes and admission quota rules.

In my opinion, the words on your diploma is not a life sentence condemning you to one specific field forever. It just a piece of paper that says you're now ready for bigger things than exams. Search your heart for your natural calling, a long term challenge that actually has meaning to you. When you find it but still can't get a job that matches it, that's ok. Just take whatever that comes, learn and try again.

Already resigned, desperate to find a job
This is the eat-first-think-later problem, suffered by those who hastily threw in the towel and overestimated their own marketability. Well, if your bank balance can't support next week's expenses, do you still wanna talk about career paths? I didn't think so. Just grab any piece of wood that floats by before you drown. You may get caught up in a spate of nasty job-hopping before getting back on track with a real career but then, what do you expect from eat first think later.

You have a job, comfortable but don't mind a better deal
Ok now we're talking. At this point you've probably realized that money is not everything. You might even be prepared to take a small pay cut for a better work environment that provides some real career advancement. The only thing that bugs you today is that your work has become too routine and there are no promotions in sight. Because you're not thinking on a hungry stomach, you can afford to take your time to do some serious research on things like upward mobility, field of specialty, type of boss, work culture bla bla bla. The world's your oyster, follow your hunch but don't stray too far away from reason.

You hate your job and want to quit. Immediately.
You are having nightmares about your company and are 1 cm away from joining the 2nd category above. Don't do it. Not until you have a job offer letter in hand or have 1 year's worth of cash reserve to live on. You'll need that much in today's conditions. If you have to, learn meditation to take the nonsense at work while shopping for a good alternative. Resist the temptation to simply grab any offer that comes along. When you are motivated by running away from something instead of running towards something, you will end up jumping from the frying pan into the fire. Relax dude, take it easy.

You are on easy street, don't need a job but don't mind the adventure
You are every boss's nightmare because you can't be threatened or blackmailed into submission by the usual thing - money. Bosses can't stand people wearing kevlar vests in the office especially when they are junior staff. If you're not shy to hide your wealth, you'll probably want to look at smaller companies that have flat or informal management hierarchies. You might even want to consider joining a young startup. Of course you can join a big company but you may land yourself in some unwelcome adventure because a hierarchy is propped up by a reward system (money) and if money doesn't sway you, you become a threat. So like I said, smaller but faster moving companies will fit you better.

Did I miss anything? Anyway, I thought I had to say all this because I disagreed with my cousin's uni job counselor who kept insisting there's only one way to handle a career search regardless of your life's circumstances. I think he's been smoking too much of whatever they're giving away at the uni.