5 golden rules for employees

I have a lot of respect for people who are in 9-5 jobs. They are indeed special people who abide by these employee values.

1. Compliant. This means accepting that the boss is always right even though you're laughing your head off about your bumbling boss during lunch. By extension it also means doing things you'd rather not do. You know, little things like showing up to work on time and sticking to dress code.

2. Charitable. This means selling your talents for a lot less than what you're convinced they're worth. For example when you find management pooh-poohing your big idea when you know that on the outside, the same idea can generate you a million bucks easy.

3. Patient. This means ignoring it when your colleagues are trying to subvert your successes by finding fault in everything you do and cc-ing your 'misdeeds' by e-mail to the entire company. It also means waiting for year-end promotions that never come.

4. Benevolent. This means having two or three person's jobs sneakily dumped into your lap for no increase in pay. Its like charity except here they tie you up to an enlarged job scope contractually.

5. Motivator. This means boot-licker or apple-polisher. Going out of your way to make your boss feel good (even if you actually despise him) and motivated to be generous to you during appraisal time. You understand that telling him he's wrong would flatten his ego faster than a nail in a tire.

But what if you're not the type who's compliant, charitable, patient, benevolent and a natural motivator? Well you have two choices: learn them up quickly or get out and set up on your own. You know what they say about leading, following or getting out of the way right?

But if you do set up your own thing and start hiring people as you expand, remember these 5 golden rules for employees. Marvel on the fact that not only are you on the other side now but on how you suddenly feel these rules are utterly justified. Hee hee.