Of gays and lesbians

Gallivanter asked an interesting question in his blog: Why is it both men and women accept lesbians as part of society, but not gays.

Here's the answer I posted:

I'll answer the 2nd part first. Actually I found that many of my male friends have no problem with gays but due to peer pressure, they have to act as if its not ok. Its an image thing. When you're trying to be seen as an alpha male, you cannot afford to be seen as 'soft'. In fact you make fun of 'soft' people just to strengthen the perception that you are unlike them. Its quite self serving actually, to feel better about oneself by hating other that are not like you.

On the straight male's acceptance of gay females, that's a fantasy thing. What's a bed full of naked females? A harem. To the guy it doesn't matter what the ladies are doing to each other because his focus is on the number of female genitals available. So again it serves his purpose.

I've been meaning to write about the gay & lesbian topic for a while and I think this is a good time.

I'm lucky in the sense that of the few friends that I have, none of them care whether their friends are gay or straight. They're smart enough to separate character (how people treat one another) from sexual orientation (what people do in bed), a feat not many people can do.

But I also know it doesn't come without limits. Despite their coolness about it, they don't want to be seen hanging out with 'lady boys,' heavily made-up men who dress up as women. So their acceptance is actually tolerance. Its not the same thing. Hence my conclusion that it boils down to the protection of self image.

But that's reality isn't it. If you have coffee at Starbucks with an old male classmate who has become an effeminate drama queen, you worry that someone you know might notice you. You worry that the whole town will snicker at you the next day. Most people like to avoid that.

So when people are fearful, they like to brand themselves according to what they're NOT rather than what they ARE. Afraid to be suspected as gay? Then dramatize certain behaviors to send a message that you're NOT gay. You can brag about how many chicks you've laid last weekend and make fun of gays if necessary even though deep down you know trashing people's a bad thing.

About why males happily accept lesbians. Boys will be boys. They are aroused with one set of female genitalia at the scene. They're doubly aroused with two sets. So lesbianism, why not? I doubt if they'll comprehend lesbianism to be anything more than two women sexually stimulating each other.

Another thing. Men are immune to the natural show of friendship among females, the hand holding and hugging thingy. They wouldn't have a clue if there's something deeper going on between the girls. So he *shrugs* because to him its not fathomable, not real, no big deal.

If it sounds like men treat people like sex objects, as a male myself I'll admit its mostly true. I won't generalize except to say that most guys my age only have 2 things on their mind: sex and $$$.

I'll leave you with one thought. If you woke up tomorrow and found that society is no longer homophobic, would you still treat gays and lesbians the same way?