Familiarity breeds contempt. I see it everyday, among spouses and friends.
Here's a silly question. Is it true that the less you know someone, the more you're likely to love him or her?
Funny as it sounds, I have friends who've fallen out of love because there's nothing more to learn about their partners, or so they say. They tell me things have become too routine. Its always back to the same old conversations, going to the same places, eating the same things, telling the same jokes. Even valentine's day is predictable. Given how shallow some people can be, I wonder how they can stay married for 5 years let alone 50.
I'm told that in the olden days, looking for a wife didn't necessarily have anything to do with looking for love. A lot of it was prearranged and a wife was defined as someone who cooks, cleans and looks after the children. If it sounds like an advert for foreign maids you're right but that was the reality back then, the accepted norm. So if love was not a requirement in a spouse then, where did people find love I wondered?
Could it be that love is a modern invention?
Regardless, the road then and now seems to lead to the same end. The more time progresses, the more forces that push couples apart than pull them together. Love and predictability seems to behave like natural enemies.
Although my girlfriend and I haven't discovered everything about each other in our 2 years, I know its a matter of time before the question will crop up, if not by my parents by hers. I admit I have been worried. If we do get married, at what point will my status change from sweetheart to "that scumbag"? Or her to "that old hag"? When will frowns replace the the smiles before every sentence? Will we want to sleep in the same bed 40 years from now?
I guess my real question is, can love really be this shallow?
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4 comments:
In short...yes it can.
That's how crushes are usually resolved anyway. You know enough about the person that the infatuation disappears.
As for relationships, most people go into things without knowing enough about the person. Often they see the person under rainbow coloured glasses. So at the end of it, they either don't like what they have or they find it completely boring.
There is a way around this though. Stop looking for a relationship. You usually convince yourself about the person and that's usually the mistake. Let things happen and go with the flow.
More often than not, for a relationship to work, you need a common goal that never changes and the rest is negotiable with time. Love often is never enough. Not in the long run at least.
People willingly risk their lives for adventure and the thrill of discovery. Love promises a lot of that. But its also in our nature that once we've conquered something, we go on to the next conquest. Men and women are easily bored.
The thing that messes it all up is how people look for perfection in their mates. He/she must a have perfect body, perfect face, perfect wallet, etc. At the heat of the moment, common goals are lost. I may be wrong but I have a feeling 9 out of 10 marriages today are based on lust, basically a contract to nail each other in bed. And that's why 9 out of 10 men and women can't stand each other after 10 years of marriage.
I notice when a relationship is too focused on persons, small imperfections get magnified a hundred times. That's how domestic wars get started. So what I do is shift the focus away from personality onto external things that are important to both of us. When we pursue let's say building a house or a business, any imperfections in either of us will seem unimportant to the big picture. We become more forgiving of each other's mistakes. And even if the goals change (and trust me they will), if the relationship focus is balanced in this manner, things will be alright.
That's my theory anyway.
Its how humans justify to be together, its a justification to give up one's virginity, simple as that.
Yeah, amen to that. :)
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